2 years ago....

This is a post mostly just for me. I have had a horrible week. Two years ago this week, we were together with my whole family, every single one of us. We had spent an amazing weekend at a BYU football game and then we randomly decided to go to a basketball game after. It was a blast and I would do anything to have that moment back. Then came Thanksgiving and we went to my Grandma and Grandpa Figgins. After the events with the Figgins we ended up going to the Jensen side and spending time with them. Nothing can take away those moments that we had together as one with all our loved ones. Dev playing with the little kids and just laughing, I look back and it was like heaven on earth with those times we had. I ended up going to my first "Black Friday" that night with Alison and Angela. It was so much fun and I got Dev and Caleb a game for the Nintendo. They played it together for hours. Saturday came and it was the huge BYU vs Utah game. We had a huge party and ate lots of food. Devin had invited Ashlyn and he was so cute with her the whole time. It was cool to see how he treated her. After the game is when my life changed forever.
I have went through this week not being able to control  my feelings. Sometimes all I can do is think about it and want to cry and cry. I had a great time with my family on Thanksgiving and Taylor's family throughout the week. But I have had a really hard time letting myself let go of the accident and allow myself to be happy, to remember all the good times. It breaks my heart. I don't want people to remember me as being grumpy and that is how I feel right now. I'll I want is to remember the good times and not anything about the accident. Sometimes I don't feel like I can talk about it because all I can do is cry when I think or talk about it.
I think a lot about what would be happening now. Would me and Dev be attending Utah State together? Would we be in the same ward? Would he put in his mission papers now because of the age change? What would he think of Taylor? Who would he be dating? I would hope we would've done a lot together and that he would want to spend time with me. I look back and regret not being nicer and doing more with my family during my High School years. It breaks my heart, but also makes me want to be better and is definitely something I am constantly trying to work on. 
Sometimes it is so hard to know what you are supposed to get out of trials like this. I am just so grateful for the knowledge that I have of the gospel. I am thankful for forever families and to at least know that one day we CAN and WILL be all together again. I am so thankful for priesthood blessings. I am thankful for my dad and Taylor who are worthy priesthood holders that can give me blessings of comfort during times like these. I hope and pray that one day I will be able to look back on this and will have learned something. That I can teach my children what I have learned and that they will be able to know all about their Uncle Dev.
I know that everything will be 'OK' with time and I know that I will be just fine. It will just take awhile to heal. But all will be well!

Day 9, 10, & 11

Day 9: I am thankful for the snow! I love the holiday season and it makes it all the better when their is snow!

Day 10: Today I am thankful for a wonderful home. I am thankful for the fireplace that I can lay by when I go home and that it is so relaxing.

Day 11: I am so grateful for Sunday! I am grateful for Kelli and the wonderful talk that she gave today on gratitude. She is such a great roommate and friend! I am also thankful for being able to spend Sunday afternoons with Taylor. It is the best! I am grateful that he watched The Notebook with me tonight! We have been dating for 10 months today! Pretty crazy! It's been fun!

Day 6, 7, & 8

Day 6: Today I was grateful that the elections were over. I am grateful that I live in America and that we are free to do what we want... pretty much. I am also grateful for the knowledge of the gospel and the comfort it brings during scary times.

Day 7: I am so grateful for volleyball! I love it and loved that I was able to go play it for a couple hours with my fun ward. I am also grateful that I am healthy enough to go play. I am grateful that it helps me relieve my stress and also is a good time.
I am also grateful for small acts of service. I love being able to go through out my day and watch what others do for each other. It makes me happy and makes me want to be better!

Day 8:  I am thankful for my roommates! I love that we can go do stuff together and are just so chill around each other. I am grateful that I can talk to them about anything and I can just be myself! They are great. I am also grateful for the great examples my sisters are. I love hearing that they go to the temple and that they have good friends that go with them! They are amazing!

Some of the things I have done over the past little while...
Last weekend I went home to babysit my siblings while my parents were in Hawaii. Friday, I made Fried Rice and Chicken and everyone had friends over. Taylor came over and we just kind of chilled. We went and got Leyla a little Mickey stuffed animal because she broke her wrist. It was so cute to see her with it. When we got home we watched some basketball and that was about all for Friday.
Saturday, Sierra and Amelia  had their Girls' Choice dance so they went on their date for that and me, Caleb and Jacob went to Caleb's basketball game and then to the Aggie football game with Taylor and his mom. After the game, Teresa took us to Wingers to eat. It was a lot of fun. Me and the boys drove home and just relaxed the rest of the night. It was fun to spend time with them. I get to go back tomorrow because the parents are still gone... Lucky them! But I am excited to go back, it is always nice to be home.

School is slowly winding down and I am actually not going to be coming back to Utah State next semester. Surprise, Surprise.... I changed what I am doing again BUT... I think this is my final choice. I am going to attend Bridgerland starting in January and do Dental Assisting and then apply for the Dental Hygiene program most likely at Weber. I feel like this will be a good career for me to go into and it will be a good 'mom' job if I have to work someday. I am excited for what is coming up it should be a good, final decision!

Day 5

Today I am thankful that my siblings were able to come to Logan to have FHE with me! We went to Pizza Pie Cafe and Bowling. It was so much fun. I am also grateful that my parents were able to go to Hawaii, they are amazing parents and totally deserve it. I am grateful that Taylor brought me his calculator (for my chem test) this morning since I forgot last night at his house. I am thankful that I was able to pass my CPR class today so that I can go to Bridgerland to become a Dental Assistant and then apply to be a Dental Hygienist.

Day 4!

I am so grateful for Sundays. I am thankful to be able to go to church and partake of the sacrament each week. I am thankful that it is a relaxing day. I am thankful that I was able to go spend time with Taylor's family and be able to get a lot done. I am so grateful for the gospel and for the blessings and comfort it brings into my life. I am grateful for my calling and the miracles I get to see and the challenge it brings. I am thankful that it has helped strengthen my testimony and help me be a better person!

Gratitude November Day 1,2,3

Day 1
Thursday I was grateful for such a great job. I am grateful for the great patients I work with and all my coworkers. I am grateful I was able to find a job I like and that will help cover my living fees! I am grateful that it works so well with my school schedule also.

Day 2
Friday I was grateful for my siblings. My parents are gone for the next little while and I was able to come home and babysit for the weekend. I am so grateful for who they are becoming and for the example they are to me. I am grateful that they are so forgiving when I don't have very much patience and that they are such good kids. I love them so much!

Day 3
Today I am grateful for Taylor. He has been so patient with me the last couple days when I have been having a rough time and getting stressed too easily. I am grateful that he is always there to tell me it is going to be ok and that I just need to relax... I am grateful for his family also and for how amazing they are to me. I love him and am thankful for all he does for me!