2 years ago....

This is a post mostly just for me. I have had a horrible week. Two years ago this week, we were together with my whole family, every single one of us. We had spent an amazing weekend at a BYU football game and then we randomly decided to go to a basketball game after. It was a blast and I would do anything to have that moment back. Then came Thanksgiving and we went to my Grandma and Grandpa Figgins. After the events with the Figgins we ended up going to the Jensen side and spending time with them. Nothing can take away those moments that we had together as one with all our loved ones. Dev playing with the little kids and just laughing, I look back and it was like heaven on earth with those times we had. I ended up going to my first "Black Friday" that night with Alison and Angela. It was so much fun and I got Dev and Caleb a game for the Nintendo. They played it together for hours. Saturday came and it was the huge BYU vs Utah game. We had a huge party and ate lots of food. Devin had invited Ashlyn and he was so cute with her the whole time. It was cool to see how he treated her. After the game is when my life changed forever.
I have went through this week not being able to control  my feelings. Sometimes all I can do is think about it and want to cry and cry. I had a great time with my family on Thanksgiving and Taylor's family throughout the week. But I have had a really hard time letting myself let go of the accident and allow myself to be happy, to remember all the good times. It breaks my heart. I don't want people to remember me as being grumpy and that is how I feel right now. I'll I want is to remember the good times and not anything about the accident. Sometimes I don't feel like I can talk about it because all I can do is cry when I think or talk about it.
I think a lot about what would be happening now. Would me and Dev be attending Utah State together? Would we be in the same ward? Would he put in his mission papers now because of the age change? What would he think of Taylor? Who would he be dating? I would hope we would've done a lot together and that he would want to spend time with me. I look back and regret not being nicer and doing more with my family during my High School years. It breaks my heart, but also makes me want to be better and is definitely something I am constantly trying to work on. 
Sometimes it is so hard to know what you are supposed to get out of trials like this. I am just so grateful for the knowledge that I have of the gospel. I am thankful for forever families and to at least know that one day we CAN and WILL be all together again. I am so thankful for priesthood blessings. I am thankful for my dad and Taylor who are worthy priesthood holders that can give me blessings of comfort during times like these. I hope and pray that one day I will be able to look back on this and will have learned something. That I can teach my children what I have learned and that they will be able to know all about their Uncle Dev.
I know that everything will be 'OK' with time and I know that I will be just fine. It will just take awhile to heal. But all will be well!